Job Huntin’ Season

In my latest attempt to ‘grow up’ and ‘get a real job’, I’ve been trying to fill out a lot of job applications…

The operative work is  ‘trying’, turns out Wife Swap and job applications do not form a constructive relationship.

Anyway, some of the questions on these things make me really wish I had the time and/or inclination to fill out and submit fake ones.

Being paid for doing that would be good too…

Somehow I don’t think this is what they mean when they say ‘career pathways’…

Trainee Journalist Application

Due: Way sooner than you want it to be.

Name: Doctor Bridget PhD

Highest level of study (eg: VCE, Bachelor Journalism)

Super-doctorate of Journalism/Blogging/Media Mogulling

Please attempt every question and keep your answers brief.

This application is designed to get you thinking and help us get a sense of your thinking about journalism and the
media.

 k. 

Section One: Thinking about journalism 

1)      What qualities do you think a person needs to be a successful journalist?

Remembering coffee orders and holding your liquor. 

2)      What media do you consume and how often?

Consume? Like eat? Gross. Oh, the other consume. Right. Well, we always have newspapers at home but they’re pretty old. I watch TV. Today Tonight and A Current Affair are my faves, usually skip the news, bit dry. Masterchef’s going to take up a lot of my time now though.. Oh and my Facebook news feed and my Twitter one, that’s news. 

3)      What role does video have in modern newspapers?

Unless modern newspapers can be folded into a VCR player and plugged into a TV and a power point, there’s not much point buying a video for it. 

4)      What type of stories interest you – eg: crime, sport, celebrity, politics, local stories? Explain why.

I like stories with lots of pictures, like those photo galleries online… Oh. Awkies, you’re a newspaper…

5)      If you were given a traineeship, where would you see yourself in three years? And where in six years?

IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME A TRAINEESHIP, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL JUMP.

7)      Why did you want to be a journalist?

Man, good question. I guess that’s why you’re the journalist. And this is like an interview, right?

8)      Which person, alive or dead, would you most like to interview and why? What would be the one question you would want to ask them?

Ke$ha. I want to ask her about the dollar sign in her name. Is it, like, on her birth certificate or did she just change it when she made heaps of money? I give the people what they want to know.

9)      Name two skills that you possess that are important in the workplace but might not be journalist specific. (eg: punctuality, handle stress well, get on with people.)

Pretty sure, I answered this already. Let’s keep this focussed, ok?

10)   What are your options if you are unsuccessful at obtaining a traineeship?

Please refer to Question 5.

 Section Two – Journalists’ writing 

Rewrite the following statements. 

1)      When the dog was discovered trapped in a drain, there were approximately 20 people who had spent the night looking for it throughout Northend.

Not much to do in Northend, huh?

3)      “He’s going to be a beauty this young bloke,’’ Fred Nevis, the Lomond coach reckons. “Oh yeah, he breathes football through both nostrils.’’

By football he means coke right?

4)      The real estate agent confessed that the true facts of the transaction showed that the property had been purchased well-below the asking price and the vendors were consulting their lawyers about the possibility of extracting financial compensation.

Shit…

Section Three –
Journalists’ issues. You be the journalist.

k.

1)      What would you say to an interview subject who refused to have her picture taken and told you to instead use the image on her Facebook page?

Find the drunken photos of her on her ex-boyfriend’s page. LOLZ at no privacy settings!

2)      You read a notorious criminal’s Tweet where he calls the Chief Commissioner of Police a “corrupt and lying fool’’. What do you do?

Retweet?

3)      What is the risk in publishing details of a robbery at a service station before the perpetrators have been caught and charged?

Those bastards would come after me next. 

Section Four – The Newsroom

1)      It’s your first day at a rural newspaper. You don’t live in the area and don’t know the paper. How do you start to make contacts and develop story ideas in the first two weeks?

Go drinking. I hear people in small towns live in the pub, right?

2)      What does a chief of staff do?

The boss.

3)      What are “rounds’’?

When one member of staff buys a beer for every other member of staff present at the drinking session, this is known as a ‘round’. Common
courtesy dictates that each drinker present buys a ‘round’ usually resulting in multiple ‘rounds’.

4)      Whatever position you hold in the newsroom, what is your first task?

Bend over.

 

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One thought on “Job Huntin’ Season

  1. christina

    quite possibly the highlight of my day! actually filling out this exact thing right now, but this was hilarious!

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